I aspired to be that one myna bird fighting across the wet grey winds
I initiated a resume of tempting revolutions
I understood nothing because there was no low place to stand
I viewed the world from an over-look instead
I borrowed nothing and therefore had nothing to return
I kissed the cat’s soft fur but not the cat
I jumped through hoops after strengthening my legs with exercises
I crept home to a home that wasn’t a home
I quenched my thirst with water instead of wine
I neglected to change my address because of pragmatism
I opined, but no-one listened, so I listened and became perplexed
I ebbed into somnolence and lassitude, and only pain could wake me
I poked at this and that but never ate
I ran away again, again, but the place I reached was only ever away
I stopped and went into lockdown and loved both the lock and the down
I fell out of love with everything but the endless shapes of trees
I gained an appreciation of the wind-swayed manuka blossoms white and bee-expectant and wished for bees
I made no plans, but things still happened
I discussed the names of my non-self with my self
I waited, waited, waited, waited, waited
I held a cloud between my held-out spread curved hands and that was all … nothing could be done, had, given, lost … I held a cloud
I yelled silently all the way through the birth
I x-rayed my guts and cut up the films to make art
I touched a nerve that cannot be cut out
I loved my projects and let them go
I zeroed in on a necessity
First published in Poetry Aotearoa Yearbook 2025
Jackson 